Battlestar Galactica Finale does NOT roll a hard six…. or five, or three, even.

For starters, here’s the link to see Katee Sackhoff speaking in Portland, Oregon where she SPOILS a chunk of the finale a week in advance.

Also, I might spell character names wrong, so if that’s a problem for you, take a dump and eat it.

Ok. It’s over. I’m immensely disappointed in the finale, but not surprised since season 4.5 has been going downhill ever since the mutiny ended and Gaeta got lit up.

Where to begin. Ugh. Pfft.

Admiral Adama abandons his son and flies away to watch President Martyr die in his raptor, live alone on a hill by her grave, and wither away. Alone. After everything he just went through with his BSG family. Oooookey doke.

President Martyr never gets any more Hera blood to heal her cancer. That whole CURE TO CANCER story line is never addressed. Aaaaalrighty then.

No one of importance gets KILLED. Tory does – that was satisfying – but not a heartbreaker. No heartbreaking deaths. A wee bit of a puss out.

At the end, everyone, after the ordeal they just went through that lasted 4 seasons, decides to just part ways and live on different continents on Earth Version 2.0. Wha?

So what about Earth Version 1.0 and its little Florida penis peninsula that was clearly visible? The Earth with too much nuclear radiation? Are there two Earths of the exact same build? It’s not time travel, there’s enough to disprove that. Someone please explain. Maybe there’s an easy answer, but I no understand.

I feel bad for the cylons that got no air time in season 4. The PR guy, the doctor, Leoben. To be cast as ONE of only 12 cylons on an immensely successful show and then to not ever get a satisfying frakking story line? Pfft.

Helo gets shot and needs a cane for about 7 minutes. That was the biggest casualty of the battle. Cavill kills himself, which I thought was awesome. And right after he almost gets the keys to the resurrection mobile after being told he’ll have to “take a quantum leap of faith” by Baltar. Something like that.

Baltar. Poor Baltar. His character got neutered right after his bad ass trial. An entire 4th season of his cult followers and the ultimate scientist gets turned into a religious peanut. Bummer. I love the actor that plays Baltar and I think he is perfect, I just think that story line at the finish was unfortunate. At least he and Cap 6 get together. Their little angel versions get together too and live forever. That means they get to live to see the bubonic plague, Limp Bizkit, Sarah Palin and the Ped Egg!

Angels. Everyone’s an angel all of a sudden. Starbuck. PUKE. That’s the explanation for her corpse in her plane? I thought she was the harbinger of death? Turns out the hybrids were just schizophrenics that poop in their own bath water.

Though I did like the scene where Ellen, Tigh, the Chief and Tory grab hold of Anders’ penis in the bathtub to see each others’ dirty laundry. Wonder if Tigh saw Ellen rubbing her foot all up on Apollo under the table? Maybe he’ll kill her again in their new mud hut in Abyssinia. After they find a way to make booze out of goat meat and sand.

Oh yeah – Anders dies, but that’s by choice, I guess. If he’s a robot and the other 4 cylons have the resurrection knowledge, they could technically build a resurrection base and bring back a new Anders. But they don’t. I loved Anders. Too bad.

BUTT if he didn’t die then Apollo and Starbuck wouldn’t be able to get it on, right? Right? So Anders is out of the picture! Apollo and Starbuck are alone in the African bush…

Stay tuned for the next blog to see how it ends!

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