Archive for April, 2009

I want a FAT BABY!!!

April 10, 2009

Today Maury Povich had a show all about FAT BABIES! They were soooooo cute! I want one! You can feed them whatever you want: ribs, fried chicken, fried cabbage, chips, anything. One FAT BABY liked dipping sauces like ranch and BBQ sauce. His momma kept all of his favorite foods on the lowest shelf in the refrigerator so he can help himself. AWWWWWW! SO CUTE! A fat baby chewing on a drumstick with grease all over his face? NOTHING CUTER! Gimme!

Though all the fat babies had giant boobs. All bigger than mine. I wonder what photogs would think about seeing my giant-boobed baby in the grocery shopping cart, eating a cookie cake? I better get a boob job!

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I Do Want Yes Scrubs

April 2, 2009

First Scrub Jay sighting of the year! On March 31. On my way to the park.

Cutler, Leno, Scrubs!

Cutler, Leno, Scrubs!

I never realized they had left until I saw this one. Soooo I am guessing that they migrated somewhere for the winter. These birds are really cool. They hop along the fence and watch me and the cats work in the garden. They are also very smart. National Geographic said that they will bury food while another scrub jay is watching and then when the peeping scrub goes away, they’ll unbury their food and move it to a more private locale!

This photo is by LARRY DITTO in case you can’t read the photo and see that his signature is in line to get splattered by scrub jay doodoo. Someone has a low self-esteem.

Smell This Drumstick…

April 1, 2009

No matter how good this video starts, it only gets better.

Sinning with Tiny Tim:

And this video only has 4,130 views on youtube!

I’m a pretty big TT fan and I think this makes me a bigger fan? What did I JUST WATCH? “Never stop saying never” when it comes to overeating and masturbation! 3 hours of sexual attention from TINY TIM? Who is signing up for this?

Let’s re-cap:

Usually we have women who can take on 4 dicks on this show. Today’s gonna be classy. Relatively.

Why are you here, Tiny?
Because I was asked. (Yikes)

The biggest sinner!

Jesus Christ is the answer to life.

Everyone’s full of err-a.

The heart is EVIL.

“Have you ever masturbated?”
“Unfortunately, yes.”

Filled me with “shame, entirely.”

[The lord does not do a very good job giving TT strength to resist whacking it.]

PIZZA MEAL!

“Do you have any recollection of what a woman tastes like?”
“No. Most of the time it was covered with honey or peanut butter…” (“it” referring to a VAGINA).

“That’s getting you hungry.” [You used to be fat].

“I don’t want you to touch me.”

“I don’t want to release myself – I’d be as weak as water.”

“Smooth her body with baby lotion.”

“Still aroused.”

“Don’t touch me.”

“I had a clock there.”

“THREE HOURS”

“I was still aroused.”

Without penetration.

Massage her on the … knees. And? Hands.

Take out the ukelele and play a few numbers.

“Haha, no no. The closest I came to [shoving a ukelele in a vagina] was using drumsticks.”

The end.