Posts Tagged ‘Battlestar Galactica Spoiler’

Starbuck, Apollo: From sizzle to fizzle in the biggest bonerkill of all time

March 21, 2009

I think they’re alone now.

There doesn’t seem to be any one a-rou-nd.

Oh hell yeah. Here we go. This is gonna be epic. All that drama between them. Dualla, Anders, Baltar, the prostitute with the kid – lots of trysts for Starbuck and Apollo but we all know they belong together! Oh boy. Can’t wait. The finale isn’t really doing it for me but at least this story line will end with some fireworks. How can’t it? Given their history. The boxing match, the love proclamations on New Caprica in their little dirt plot of land, the time when Kara comes back from the dead and appears to Apollo and makes me ball my eyes out. It’s all there. We’re in for the ultimate love story to finally reach its CLIMAX! Starbuck and Apollo stand next to each other in the field of pretty, green grass. Here we go!:

“What are you gonna do now?”

“I’m gonna go climb mountains and swim oceans and harvest crops and blahbiddy blah”

Then Starbuck disappears.

Then pigeon Starbuck craps, disappears.

Then drunken Starbuck seduces drunken Apollo in a flashback on the kitchen table while Starbuck’s soon-to-be-dead fiance (and brother of Apollo) is passed out drunk on the couch 6 feet away.

No.

Try again.

I’m going to rewind and see if anything changes.

Hmm. No luck.

Ok. I’m gonna go take a poop now and cross “Recommend BSG to everyone I know” off of my to-doo list. This is an official Fizzler of a finale.

It’s not even that Starbuck and Apollo didn’t get freaky. It’s the way things were ended. In the past, there were always obstacles keeping them apart. Dualla. Anders. Communication breakdowns. I loved it all. They were star-crossed, destined, blah blah blah. There was always something magical about all of their interactions.

Not no more. Season 4.5 dropped that ball. Inexplicably. There was no DRAMA in their relationship! No tension of any sort. So we get to the end and nothing happens. (Except we see them acting like bratty assholes while Zach Adama is passed out) There’s nothing to keep them from being together at the end. But for some reason, we are supposed to buy that things are somehow completely different between them because all of a sudden Starbuck has a destiny that must exclude Apollo? Starbuck flies away in her Angel Hummer to do promotional events for God? PFFFFT.

God rebuilds her raptor in season 3, sends her back to Apollo, and says, “Kara Thrace! I command thee! For all of season 4, Acteth Liketh a PRICK TEASE.”

PFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

All in close proximity will be pleased to know…I am now out of gas. Good night.

Obama Hatin’ on Special Olympians

March 20, 2009

So, Obama can’t even spare Special Olympians. Someone needs to take him out into an alley and strike some sense into him with a pin. Or drill three holes into his balls. Something.

Dumb Ditty Dumb Ditty Dumb Dumb Dumb: President Bonehead, Redux

Oh my goodness. My stomach just sunk.  The Prez almost got through his interview with Jay Leno without a hitch and then he goes and makes a “Special Olympics” comment in regard to his BOWLING GAME?  PFFFFTTTT!

 Tomorrow morning I anticipate droves of Special Olympians who bowl a better game than Obama coming forward. I anticipate a “There Will Be Blood”-style showdown with a mustachioed, ass-kicking participant from the Special Olympics treating Obama like the scaredy cat little preacher boy.  Ain’t no Secret Service gonna be able to protect Obama’s milkshake, IT IS ON.

Even though I did not vote for Obama (Chigurh ’08!) I doo love the idea of having a President whose theme song is not:

“I’m a big kid, look what I can do.  I can wear big kid pants, too! And I can pull them off and on! Mommy, WOW! I’m a big kid now!”

Please tell me this didn’t just happen.  I wonder how long Rush Limbaugh will shake his tits at this.  Probably until they sag low enough to touch his  wiener. Until Rush titty-effs himself.

But people should shake their titties at this. This is such a disappointment! Obama is an ASS!  
Last time I felt like this was this one time
when KATEE SACKHOFF spoiled the ending of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA!: