Posts Tagged ‘sizzle’

Starbuck, Apollo: From sizzle to fizzle in the biggest bonerkill of all time

March 21, 2009

I think they’re alone now.

There doesn’t seem to be any one a-rou-nd.

Oh hell yeah. Here we go. This is gonna be epic. All that drama between them. Dualla, Anders, Baltar, the prostitute with the kid – lots of trysts for Starbuck and Apollo but we all know they belong together! Oh boy. Can’t wait. The finale isn’t really doing it for me but at least this story line will end with some fireworks. How can’t it? Given their history. The boxing match, the love proclamations on New Caprica in their little dirt plot of land, the time when Kara comes back from the dead and appears to Apollo and makes me ball my eyes out. It’s all there. We’re in for the ultimate love story to finally reach its CLIMAX! Starbuck and Apollo stand next to each other in the field of pretty, green grass. Here we go!:

“What are you gonna do now?”

“I’m gonna go climb mountains and swim oceans and harvest crops and blahbiddy blah”

Then Starbuck disappears.

Then pigeon Starbuck craps, disappears.

Then drunken Starbuck seduces drunken Apollo in a flashback on the kitchen table while Starbuck’s soon-to-be-dead fiance (and brother of Apollo) is passed out drunk on the couch 6 feet away.

No.

Try again.

I’m going to rewind and see if anything changes.

Hmm. No luck.

Ok. I’m gonna go take a poop now and cross “Recommend BSG to everyone I know” off of my to-doo list. This is an official Fizzler of a finale.

It’s not even that Starbuck and Apollo didn’t get freaky. It’s the way things were ended. In the past, there were always obstacles keeping them apart. Dualla. Anders. Communication breakdowns. I loved it all. They were star-crossed, destined, blah blah blah. There was always something magical about all of their interactions.

Not no more. Season 4.5 dropped that ball. Inexplicably. There was no DRAMA in their relationship! No tension of any sort. So we get to the end and nothing happens. (Except we see them acting like bratty assholes while Zach Adama is passed out) There’s nothing to keep them from being together at the end. But for some reason, we are supposed to buy that things are somehow completely different between them because all of a sudden Starbuck has a destiny that must exclude Apollo? Starbuck flies away in her Angel Hummer to do promotional events for God? PFFFFT.

God rebuilds her raptor in season 3, sends her back to Apollo, and says, “Kara Thrace! I command thee! For all of season 4, Acteth Liketh a PRICK TEASE.”

PFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

All in close proximity will be pleased to know…I am now out of gas. Good night.

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